How to Stop Being Jealous?

Almost every person in the world experienced the feeling of jealousy, regardless of who was the target, when you were jealous: a husband or a wife, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, parents, brothers or sisters, friends and so on.

Unfortunately, the feeling of being jealous doesn’t lead to any positive emotions.

Moreover, it is torturing for the object as much as for the subject of jealousy.

If we are jealous, we start noticing how much attention we are given, and how much other people get and, of course, we feel deprived and less loved.

So, how to stop being jealous and finally enjoy the relationships instead of destroying them?

Let’s try to clear everything out.

The reasons for being jealous

Why do people feel jealous?

Every person has individual and certain reasons for being jealous, but generally they can be divided on two kinds: valid and groundless.

Groundless reasons for feeling jealous

Groundless feeling of jealous happens, when a person starts being jealous without any reason.

It may also be called imaginary jealousy, because the reasons are invented, the situation is misunderstood or the person is simply jealous without any grounds.

Such kind of feeling has its roots from the following reasons:

• In childhood you always had to share something or you weren’t on the first place.

  The reasons for being jealous are very often hidden in the childhood, when the person initially had to learn how to share things with siblings or had similar situations.

  For example, one had to share the love of parents, their attention, things and gifts, etc.

  All this may have involuntarily left a trace on the subconsciousness and with the lapse of time, when we grow up, we can’t simply accept that we are not on the first place and there can be somebody else.

• The fear to become a lonely person.

  The reason to be jealous may be the fear to stay lonely, too.

  What does it consist in?

  It consists in the fact that you feel jealous towards the beloved one, because you are afraid he or she may find a replacement or just might break up with you and you will stay lonely.

  Together with this many people put ideas into their heads that after this is over they will have to find out how to be lonely, fail to find new love and so on.

  In such cases the main and probably the only reason to be jealous is low self-esteem.

• I don’t want to share him/her with anybody.

  When you start being jealous to your second half, if she spends much time or often communicates with somebody else, whether a friend or a representative of the opposite sex, parents or children, the reason to all this is your selfishness.

• Jealousy as preventive measures.

  There is even a situation when you are actually not jealous, but you make a scene to the beloved one, so that he/she didn’t have a sweet life and was afraid to even have a thought to cross the line of being jealous.

  Stop doing it, because it is caused simply by boorishness and chronic distrust to the second half.

Valid jealousy

The second kind of jealousy is a valid one.

It means it’s completely justified.

Logically thinking, valid jealousy exists of one kind only and doesn’t have any subspecies, because you are jealous because of a real fact or situation.

For example, you saw your second half flirting with the opposite sex…

How can one possibly fail to feel jealous!?

That’s why, being valid jealous is almost a normal reaction, but you must talk to the beloved one and say that he/she crosses the boundaries and such behaviour is unpleasant for you.

Tips on how to stop being jealous

1. Define what triggers your jealousy.

   You may become jealous when:

   • a young man or a girl you like spend time with other people and you feel rejected because of it;
   • your best friend prefers spending time with other people;
   • somebody from your parents started to spend more time with another person;
   • someone from your kids seems to more reach out not for you, but for the other parent;
   • at work or at school somebody else is praised more, though you believe you deserve it not less!

2. Be more confident in yourself.

   As a rule, being jealous goes along with the feelings of vulnerability and low self-esteem.

   You may be afraid to become lonely or be rejected by the close person.

   You may as well bury yourself under the mountain of work, become devoted only to one business and then, when something goes wrong, it destroys your confidence even more.

   • The best way to become more confident – is to behave like the confident man does.

     Make decisions as if you were the most confident person in the world.

     Eventually, the way you feel will coincide with the way you act.

   • When the confident people are left alone, it doesn’t ruin their lives.

     
     Confident people know how short-sighted people can be sometimes and there is no reason to blame themselves.

3. In order to stop being jealous, stop comparing yourself to others.

   • Make friends with those, who seem perfect to you and you’ll see that they are not saint, either.

   • Instead of concentrating on your drawbacks, think about your strong sides, things you are the best in and what you are proud of.

     All this will make you more confident, because you have so many wonderful traits and qualities, which nobody can take from you!

4. Think how a jealous person would act being in your shoes and act just the opposite way.

   If you feel that jealousy is going to fill you, don’t behave in the destroying manner.

   There is no need for attacks, boycotts or venomous gibes.

   Instead of it, try to act as a person who knows how to trust.

   • If your friend is going to spend time with somebody else, suggest, for example, a good film or a nice restaurant.
   • If someone you like is talking to someone, try to be polite and join the conversation.
   • If someone got a job you’ve been dreaming of for so long, you shouldn’t spit the venom in the lucky one. You’d better congratulate him and wish him success.

5. Stop being jealous until it became paranoia.

   
   The jealousy makes you see things not quite the way they actually are.

   All that bad things, which you imagine because of being jealous, don’t actually happen.

   But if it is really going on, you are strong enough to cope with it!

   You have other people, whom you can rely on, and all the hardships will only make you stronger.

6. Learn how to trust in order to stop being jealous.

   It is easier said than done.

   If you can easily stop being jealous, then your trust was probably deceived once.

   You must stop thinking about the past and start living in the present.

   Look at the person you feel jealous about. Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

   • If this man has never disappointed you, you should think only good of him and not on the contrary.

     The loyal friend will support you, in case you have lack of trust, but don’t expect that it will last forever.

     It may also turn out that you just shift your personal fears, which are connected to somebody else, onto an excellent person.

     Yes, trust is always a risk.

     You must accept this risk – the risk of making a mistake.

     However, think, what if your trust is not in vain?

   • If somebody constantly hurts your feelings, it’s a cause to think if this is high time to end suchin this case you actually have a nice reason not to trust this man.

     So, go ahead, you deserve something better than this!

7. Listen to your feelings – they may say something very important to you.

   
   If you suddenly felt jealous, these emotions will tell you something is definitely going on and you don’t like it.

   • Your boyfriend or girlfriend can behave with others how they want; it may be more playful or coquettish than you wish.

     In this case both of you must define a certain kind of boundaries to both of you, and they mustn’t be crossed in communication with other people.

   • Talk to your partner and decide whether your opinions on the limits of acceptable during the communication with the surrounding people coincide.

     If they don’t, discuss the situation until you reach a compromise.

     When you reach it, start trusting your partner and do not allow jealousy to darken your relationships.

   How to Forgive Infidelity?

8. Objectively estimate who and how much time can spend with you.

   If your child or partner doesn’t spend any time with you, then your concern is pretty appropriate.

   Though, if somebody spends with you much time, but it seems to you that it is not enough, then you definitely demand too much.

   • Stop and think – why are you so demanding? Why can’t you be happy until someone else is with you?

   • Develop yourself, go ahead and make new acquaintances, try some new things, which make you happy!

     Sometimes, all you actually need to do is to take care of yourself and not to focus all your powers and energy on somebody else.

9. Look at the world with optimism and you’ll stop being jealous.

   Generally speaking, the main cause of jealousy is fear.

   You spend too much time on worries and anxiety about something that hasn’t happened yet and will not necessarily happen at all.

   Unfortunately, doing it you create the situation, where all these bad things may happen, and it will be only due to your negative expectations.

   If you decide to believe and trust someone, then do it completely.
   Good people deserve it.

So, if you want a calm and happy life without stresses, offences and worries, you’d better understand how to stop being jealous as soon as possible.

Value every single day you spend with the close person, do not waste your time on explanations and pleas, which are caused by jealousy.

Love and be loved!