How to prove parental alienation: what it means and the forms of the syndrome.
The syndrome of parental alienation stresses how important a child in the divorcing conflict is.
Parents’ divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences of a youngster.
Unfortunately, it often happens that mother and father’s breakup confuses the young mind.
He faces the conflict of loyalty – on which side should he stay?
Whom should he love more and whom should he support?
Unconscious involvement of a baby into the divorcing conflict is proved to cause a number of negative consequences for his mental development.
The parental alienation syndrome may stay for the rest of his life!
That’s why it’s so important to find the answer to the question of how to prove parental alienation.
What is the syndrome of parental alienation?
The author of the parental alienation syndrome’s concept is the American psychiatrist Doctor Richard Gardner.
One may speak about the parental alienation syndrome, only in case the critics and judgment have involuntary character.
A kid, against his will, becomes a participant of the competition between father and mother.
R.A. Gardner’s assumes that parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is some kind of mental disorder which appears in an offspring, when his parents get divorced and decide how a kid will to live and with whom.
Emotional alienation of a mother or a father is proved to happen as a result of the other parent’s campaign to discredit (bad mouth) the rival in the kid’s eyes.
In such situation, one of the parents psychologically influences on an offspring (in the Gardner’s terminology – programs the conscious), forming a certain opinion about the other one.
The other parent is the target of the campaign in alienating the offspring.
The love on the line “a parent – a child” will be destroyed multiple times, changed with contempt, anger, rage and enmity.
The aim of the destructive actions is to find a way how to ruin the connection of a baby with the other parent.
There may be various methods implemented to wash his brains: the indoctrinating, emotional blackmail or manipulation.
Involving a kid in the conflict usually has unconscious character and happens under the influence of strong negative emotions.
That’s why you should think how you behave yourself during the divorce, lest you offended your kid for the rest of his life.
The evidence, with the help of which you can learn how to prove parental alienation
According to Dr. Gardner’s opinion, there are two groups of factors, which take part in forming the emotional alienation in a child.
- Firstly, these are the negative expressions and feelings of one spouse towards the other spouse (hatred, jealousy).
Secondly, the kid himself, by force of attachment to somebody, who takes care of him, is psychologically dependent from him and takes an active part in discrediting the other family member.
It is usually said that such syndrome can only appear in cases, when there is no real violence of the alienated parent towards his baby.
8 signs of parental alienation:
- A youngster absolutely depreciates one parent, rejects him, argues with him and demonstrates by his behavior how much he does not obey him.
He gives “evidence” of his anger, which has unconvincing, not serious, often absurd character.
He adds negative sense to all neutral statements of a mother or a father.
A youngster is absolutely convinced in the rightness of his words and actions towards one of the family members.
He is full of blind hatred towards one of them and loyally and love towards the other one.
- He is proved to believe that he created the negative point of view towards someone on his own, independently from the other parent.
- A kid feels the need to protect the person, who is the initiator of the alienation, no matter what.
- He does not feel guilt about the violence towards the alienated parent, and does not empathize with him.
- A child unconsciously quotes the “beloved” parent, says the phrases, which he does not actually understand, brightly and plausibly performs the situations, the participant of which he could not have been.
- Negative relation is spread on all family members of the alienated parent, even his pets and everything connected to him.
Forms of the parental alienation
Before discussing how to prove parental alienation, we should discuss its forms.
3 forms of parental alienation syndrome
It is proved to happen, when the initiator of the alienation does not realize how much he encourages the alienation.
For instance, a mother, who sends a kid to meet his father, might say:
“Call me as soon as you come there, so that I knew…”, “If you do not like anything – call me at once”, “I’ll come and take you, if you want to go home”.
This form of the alienated behavior comes around, when the initiator of the alienation, losing control of his feelings, actively encourages the distance between a kid and the other parent.
Child’s attachment is used by a mother, firstly, to overcome the frustration, which is connected to the breakup with the ex-husband; secondly, as a way how to get her revenge.
Parting with a baby to meet the other parent triggers the unbearable feelings of loneliness, being abandoned, despair, sadness, and anger.
An example of the medium form of alienating behavior may be a mother (or a father), who takes a baby to sleep with her (him), continues to spoon-feed him (because “it’s easier this way”), completely controls all aspects of the offspring’s life, more than a normal development requires.
Such form of alienating behavior is characterized by the “obsessive” hatred of the initiator towards the former partner.
Complete control over the offspring is proved to become a life or death issue for them.
Trying to break the connection of a child with a mother or a father, they can accuse him (or her) in the physical violence on a baby, harassment, sexual assaults and so on.
The case of a heavy form of the alienated parental behavior usually concerns heavy, often psychotic disorder and such person requires not so much the psychotherapeutic, but psychiatric care.
Surely, the qualification of the psychic disorder during the heavy form of the parental alienation is the psychiatrist’ competence.
Carrying out expert examination in order to prove parental alienation
The most widespread judicial error in examination of the suchlike cases is the obscurity of all needed circumstances, when the judge’s decision is made based on the explanations of the interested persons without their proper estimation and check, without any other evidence on this case.
Moreover, the conclusion of the guardianship and custodianship agency cannot prove anything or replace the expert psychological conclusion.
Psychological expertise in court, which is done in such cases, is always quite complicated and extensive investigation.
Psychological investigation is conducted towards three persons:
How to Love Your Family?
The objects of the expert investigation to prove parental alienation:
- psychological conditions of kid’s upbringing,
- peculiarities of his development,
- his personal peculiarities,
- how a kid treats his mother and father,
- attachment’s character,
- the peculiarities of relations between a mother and a father and each of them with the child,
- the influence of the family on the baby’s development,
- personal peculiarities of mother and father,
- reconstructing how the family conflict started and why.
Set of factors, how to prove parental alienation
Thanks to Dr. Gardner’s research in judicial practice there were cases, when a child was passes in ward of the other alienating person.
As a result of it, there was much critic towards how children might go to the tyrants.
However, now we speak of a certain case, when only parental alienation takes place.
According to the formulations, PAS is the reaction of a kid on the set of factors, including personal and psychological peculiarities and behavior patterns of both parents and a child, the most important of which are:
- psychological problems of the partners,
- vivid hostility between family members, which was caused by divorce,
- involving a kid in the parental conflict,
- lack of parental attention,
- youngster’s own psychological vulnerability and his inner aggression.
Taking everything above in consideration, we might prove that if an offspring alienates one person, eliminating even communication with him, one should study child’s peculiarities as well as a parent’s – the possible inductor, and the alienated one’s.
So, the alienated mother or father was proved to have the following personal and psychological peculiarities:
- egocentrism and not enough maturity,
- lower ability for sympathy,
- strict and rigid style of upbringing,
- being passive in the situations of expressive conflict and/or standing their ground on the rights to communicate with his offspring regardless of the latter’s wish.
It was mentioned at the children’s personal peculiarities’ assessment that the higher ability to self-reflect and perceive the controversial positions of the conflicting family members, the more often he is involved in the parental conflict and learns how to form the negative relation towards one of the parents.
Moreover, it should be noted that children, who ignores one of the parents is proved to have more psychological problems and emotional disorders, as a result of which only legal strategies (like changing the guardian, forcing visitations, prohibiting visitations) cannot solve the problem.
If the family has quarrels, which concern upbringing, there are various forms of revealing the character of relation of an offspring towards a mother and a father, which show how to prove parental alienation:
- the conclusion of wardship and guardianship authority,
- interrogation of a child in court,
- the conclusions of specialists, which may be the practicing psychologists of consulting and diagnosing centers and educational institutions,
- judicial and psychological or complete psychological and psychiatric inspection.
Children with parental alienation syndrome are proved to have low self-esteem, do not believe in their possibilities, and are said to be easily exposed to parents’ infusions.
The relations with the alienated mother or father are often exposed to the inconvertible destruction.
The need in love from the alienated person will never be satisfied.
Sometimes it happens that such children, when they become adult, break the relationships with the person they used to live with – a provocateur, and a person responsible for parental alienation syndrome.
That’s why it’s so significant to figure out the question of how to prove parental alienation, otherwise, the process will be inconvertible and you’ll lose your child.
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