One thing I would like to discuss today is an unpleasant feeling called jealousy!
Even the ancient writers quite often discussed the topic of jealousy.
A passionate story with a tragic ending has always been a success with readers.
After the appearance of «Othello» by William Shakespeare, such topics got very common and modern authors do not turn away from them.
However, it is much easier to sympathize with book or movie characters who are suffering from jealousy, than to become a suffering party yourself.
Let`s try to understand how to stop being jealous, what jealousy is, why it appears and what must be done with it.
On your way to overcoming jealousy, first thing you need to do is to make sure whether you are a subject to jealousy.
My friend invented a word “Jealouser” at the age of five. She first called her dad this way when she was watching another quarrel among her parents.
Her father is really a terribly jealous person and he has been eating away his wife`s nerves for 35 years.
Moreover, there is no logic in his actions, because in his sixty he is an extremely handsome man who still attracts attention and his wife is a typical drabbie.
The paradox is that he is frantically jealous and, at the same time, she who loves him tenderly, isn`t jealous at all.
To endure his temper for so long, she really has to experience very strong feelings.
At the birthday party of this friend of mine, I became an accidental witness to a monologue of the father, who suspected his wife was cheating on him with a 20-year-old waiter.
To be honest, I hardly resisted a temptation to intervene and advise him to deal with jealousy.
But my intervention could damage my friend`s holiday, so I left my thoughts to myself.
Aren`t you acting the same way as her father did? Have you been involved in similar scandals? Not sure? Then have a little test.
Answer «Yes» or «No» to the following questions:
- Do you watch for your partner`s reaction to other women/men?
- Do you check his/her phone, computer or pockets etc.?
- Do you believe that your brother/sister get more attention from your parents than you do? Does that worry you?
- Do you get angry with your friend when he/she spends time with someone else?
- Do you feel hatred for a nice man/girl in a bus who smiles at somebody else but not you?
8 tips, how to change your life
If you answered yes to at least one of those questions, there is a reason to think about it; if you answered yes to all of them, you strongly need to know how to get rid of jealousy.
How to stop being jealous and is there a need to do it?
At first, you need to understand what causes the feeling of jealousy.
Many people associate jealousy with love, believing that the true love is impossible without shouting «I noticed you looked at her legs!» or something to that effect. However, if you analyze your behavior, you will understand that the origin of your jealousy is not love, but fear or personal complexes:
- fear of losing love or friendship;
- possessive instinct;
- fear that your place will be taken by someone else;
- sense of self-doubt.
The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep a little more jealousy.
Now imagine that you live with all this baggage of complexes and fears.
Is all this baggage so valuable to you or you are ready to start overcoming jealousy?
Moreover, suspicions and attacks will eventually destroy your love and friendship.
I know only one couple that intentionally brings jealousy to their relationship.
She is beautiful and he is rich. She is used to men`s attention, he loves her too much and plays along with her.
Their jealousy is a kind of role-play: she provokes; he pretends to be jealous; she pretends being terribly tired with his suspicions; then they sort of put up and forget about their role-play for a while.
This kind of jealousy will not destroy the family, because there is no real feeling. What is more, I believe they will soon have to leave these games because of being bored with them (I noticed that during their last presentation.) 🙂
How to deal with jealousy – forget about it!
To overcome jealousy is actually not too difficult. The most important thing is your desire to do it and following five simple tips:
Get rid of inferiority complex.
The formulas «I am the most charming and attractive» and «I am the best» are still effective.
Repeat these phrases several times a day until you sincerely believe in them.
No need to be jealous now. Nobody will change a perfect partner like you for someone else.
Remember that even your closest people are not your possession.
Even if your husband decided to devote some of his weekends to fishing with friends, or your wife refused to go to the restaurant with you and hurried to meet her friends, or your best friend preferred meeting with school friends to going to the cinema with you — it is not necessary to raise a stink and suspect your partner in cheating.
Take advantage of your free time and do something good for yourself (there has never been enough time for that), take up a hobby — it will be more useful than thinking black thoughts and experiencing unpleasant emotions!
Fight your fears.
Our thoughts create our reality.
If you keep thinking that your husband/wife is cheating on you, it will really happen.
You had better tell yourself: we have a strong family, I am really loved, I will never be cheated on, etc.
If you repeat, «I’m tired of your going to bath with friends all the time», it does not mean that a person will change his/her way of living and abandon bad habits.
It just means that next time he will lie to you about where he is going.
Moreover, a lie is a source of suspicion, and therefore jealousy.
Speak directly, if you have suspicions.
First, this advice is relevant only for those who are not hysterical and who can avoid having everyday quarrels.
Hysterical people first need to bring tips 1-4 into life.
If you do not have possessive feelings, but it seems to you that your spouse is cheating on you, do not keep your suspicions in secret and never start spying upon your partner or inspecting his telephone calls.
Just talk to him, but not in a raised voice.
Do you still wonder how to stop being jealous?
It`s as simple as anything: love yourself, trust your partners and friends and live your own life!
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