How to Overcome Shyness?

If your shyness bothers you, this article is going to show you 11 ways how to overcome shyness. Start struggling today!


If a person is too bashful and distrustful, is easy to be frightened, finds it difficult to communicate and feels unease when other people are around, he is sure to be described as a shy person.

Shyness can be on different “levels of difficulty”.

Sometimes a person is able to cope with it easily, and sometimes it becomes his second nature, if not the first one.

His real personality is hidden behind a wall.

If a relaxed and communicative man or woman can be described by many various epithets, but looking at a shy person, the word “shy” is, as a rule, the first and sometimes the last thing that comes to mind.

Though, this person can have a rich soul, be creative, original, smart and kind, surrounding people may fail to notice it.

It’s very sad.

Many people in the whole world suffer from feeling of light or strong shyness and put a lot of effort to overcome it! Surely, one needs much time, attempts and, needless to say, wish to change.

How to overcome shyness?

First of all, you must be eager to change and then focus on how to start working on it.

On the way to becoming confident, you are likely to face some small misfortunes.

You’ll have to leave comfort zone, and it’s scary sometimes.

What is shyness and what’s so harmful about it?

Shyness is the disposition of a person to feel awkward and constraint, timidity and hesitation in front of others.

A shy person is not disposed to communication and meetings with people, and because of the uncertainty he is closed and inclined to loneliness.

Shyness is the fear of negative opinion from the society’s point of view.

What is dangerous about it?

Such fear usually leads to the formed view that it’s better to do nothing, lest someone criticize you.

It often makes a shy man or woman face problems with self-actualization.

One can’t express the whole potential, put into life all thoughts and ideas.

One doesn’t reach goals and targets, which could be accomplished and because of the intended idleness one can even intellectually degrade.

Shyness may show itself in different spheres and activities, this male or female not necessarily feels constrained in all situations.

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A shy person finds it difficult to make new friends; he is practically unable to enjoy communication. As a rule, the circle of communication is limited by family and relatives.

Sometimes, when someone is too shy, he can inadequately see the situation, can’t think logically and even forget the obvious things.

Such people can’t express their point of view, and, moreover, stand up for it.

It’s peculiar for them to be egocentric.

Besides, these people suffer from depression more often and they are likely to have constant painful affects.

In addition, shyness leads to the appearance of muscular clamps, and the more they appear the more monotonous and less emotional is the life of that person, and he gets old sooner.

This way, such quality interferes with the social adaptation and negatively influences the physical and psychological abilities.

Where does shyness come from?

Scientists, as usual, have plenty of theories and suppositions:

  • Shyness can be an inborn trait of character.
  • Shyness appears as a reaction on negative events, which took place earlier – because the negative life experience, which is connected to different life situations, influences everybody.
  • Shyness may occur and stay, if a person doesn’t have enough communication skills, is worried, how the surrounding people will estimate his actions, and constantly abase himself, considering himself unable or even ineffective.If you constantly say “I’m shy”, it’ll become a habit, and they say a habit is a second nature.
  • Shyness appears because of the inner conflicts, and sociologists say society’s norms and opinions make people shy.Sometimes it’s enough to say about the child that he is shy and timid, and he actually becomes like this – usually parents themselves or kindergarten teachers start talking about it.

When such child grows up, he constantly compares himself to others and he always believes he is worse.

Surely, it’s not true, but becoming an adult he finds supporting arguments to this opinion – we always find what we are looking for.

Tips how to overcome shyness

  1. Realize that it’s silly to worry about what people may think of you, and sometimes it’s even improper.

    As a rule, people care more about themselves – because everybody, just like you, worries how he looks, and only then pays attention to how others look or behave.

    Besides, those, whose good relation is worse getting, estimate people not by the appearance, but by their actual qualities.

  2. If you want to overcome shyness, start thinking positively. Moreover, if you think about others.

    Many people disagree on different matters, sometimes have quite the opposite views, but it doesn’t mean they’ll judge you.

    Learn how to communicate, even if you are afraid to come to people and start the conversation, overcome your fear and do it.

    Smile, be friendly and remember: you are responsible for the outcome of the conversation only by half.

    The other half is on your interlocutor.

  3. Don’t judge yourself strictly – awake your sense of humor.

    If you said something wrong, don’t punish yourself – smile, let yourself be you and go on talking.

  4. Targets, which you set, must be real and meaningful – otherwise you wouldn’t like to reach them.

    For example, set a goal to start a conversation, behave confidently and communicate easily even when the person is unknown to you.

  5. In a difficult situation, for example, before the public speech, try to prepare beforehand.

    Practice in front of your family members or even in front of the mirror – it’s essential for you.

    Delivering your speech to the audience, think not how you look, but about people, who are listening to you.

    Realize that your information is vitally important to them and you’ll do your best.

  6. In order to overcome shyness, watch your appearance.

    If you are limited in money right now, make sure your clothes are always clean and neatly.

    You may add one bright detail: a tie, a scarf, a shawl, a flower or choose any accessories.

    Interesting: How to believe in yourself: 10 effective tips

  7. Talking to someone, don’t expect that he’ll develop the conversation.

    Develop it yourself, but listen to the interlocutor as well – ask his opinion and make sincere compliments, but never flatter him.

  8. So that you overcome your shyness, try to use autogenic therapy and affirmations.

    These are the positive statements and aims: nowadays, people speak about them everywhere, and due to this many people treat it not seriously, but it’s actually working.

  9. Stop focusing on the failures.

    Remember and be conscious – only those people, who don’t do anything, never make mistakes – that’s the truth.

    Keep in mind not the mistakes and failures you’ve had, but your victories and successes.

    Nevertheless, the mistakes are made in order to extract positive experience out of them.

  10. As soon as you start feeling awkward talking to others, remember the rights, which absolutely everyone has.

    It may just:

    • the right to say “no” and don’t feel guilty for it;
    • the right not to make excuses to somebody;
    • the right to estimate your actions and feelings on your own;
    • the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them;
    • the right to be disliked;
    • the right not to know something;
    • the right to be independent;
    • the right to make illogical decisions – if it doesn’t do harm to others.
  11. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

    The more you compare yourself and the surrounding people, the more you believe you don’t fit them and the worse you are going to feel.

    There is no sense comparing yourself to others, but if you do compare, do it objectively.

The process of overcoming shyness takes much time, so you must be patient.

Don’t quit it and go till the end.

After you experience the first successes, you’ll understand how to overcome shyness.

Believe me, it’s worth it.

The life without shyness is like living free, unlike living in prison.

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