How to Trust after Infidelity?
You’ve been betrayed and you do not know how to trust after infidelity, do you? Some useful pieces of advice, which may help you restore relationships.
Infidelity of the beloved one does not only hurt, but kills trust in relations.
However, you cannot be suspicious and spy on your partner all the time, because you will probably both get sick of it very soon.
You must learn how to trust your beloved man again and put a lot of efforts to it instead of waiting, when you become complete strangers.
Still, infidelity of one of the partners is a huge reason to rupture relations.
Though, in order to save the family, many people wonder how to trust after infidelity.
We’ll try to answer this question.
Step-by-step instruction how to trust after infidelity
At first, try to honestly ask yourself: have you forgiven a person, who cheated on you?
If you believe this to be the unforgivable sin, sooner or later your relationships may finally rupture.
May it turn to be for the better to separate in this situation?
If you firmly resolved you forgave infidelity of the beloved person, you should be consistent: forgive him in your soul and eliminate this problem from your mind.
Do not make neither his nor your life unbearable.
Take pains to trust again and rebuild relations again from the ground, forgetting the past mistakes.
Then you should discover the reasons of infidelity.
Your next step is to learn why the second half cheated on you.
You must adequately assess the situation.
It’s not a secret that both parts are usually guilty in the ruined relationships.Nevertheless, avoid self-reproach.
You may have devoted less time to your beloved one or, on the contrary, to yourself.
Think whether you’ve changed your appearance or stopped caring about yourself and wearing nice clothes.
Maybe you gave up all your hobbies, stopped developing yourself and turned into a “grey”, uninteresting person?
Very often families are ruined by routine, that’s why a spouse tries to be distracted from it and forget it, at least for a while.
It’s really sad if infidelity is the only way to solve such problem.
As soon as you defined the true reason why your relations have cooled down, try to assume the measures and get rid of your mistakes.
You are probably still in pain, still hurting and feel offended. Try to lessen these feelings and talk about it. It’s another step how you can learn to trust after infidelity.
Calmly, without reproaches and accusations try to frankly talk to your beloved man about what has happened.
Look for the common way out of the situation.
It often happens that in such situations people speak about things which bother them, feelings they feel towards each other, problems they believe they have and things they would like to change.
It actually can make you closer again.
You can learn how to trust after infidelity as soon as you stop feeling yourself like a looser.
When the relationships have huge crisis, it seems that you’ve failed your life mission.
It may influence a lot on the ego, especially after the partner’s infidelity.
Take a sheet of paper and write down everything good you can remember about yourself.
For example: “I’m a kind and loving person. I’m a good friend. I’m a good father (mother). I’m smart and have great imagination.”
Keep this list in the table’s drawer.
Take it every day and read it every morning before you go to work and every time you feel like a looser.
Another efficient cure is to remind yourself how many things you do to make changes for the better.
It will give you the feeling of confidence and triumph instead of those defeatist feelings.
Learn how to love your partner exactly the way he is.
You do not suppose he is perfect and has no drawbacks, do you?
Everyone has his drawbacks, but still you fell in love with him for some reason.
Do your best and give him every attention and tenderness, be sweet and do not be grudge on praise and gratitude, if he deserves it.
Do not even doubt: if comfort, love and warmth predominate in your house, he will be eager to return home every time.
Be more attentive to each other, because the best is the enemy of the good.
Your beloved one is unlikely to satiate with the perfect life – he probably lacks something.
Give him this.
Try to return the romantic feelings and gestures in your relationships.
Try to be together as much time as possible.
Nowadays, it is rather difficult, because most people work hard and have strict timetable.
We are so busy with our stuff at work, everyday routine, children, parents and friends’ demands, that we forget about the possibility to simply
spend time together.
You must spend at least two evenings per week communicating emotionally.
Turn off TV in order to see and hear each other better.
Every important thing requires care: plants must be watered; children must be fed and took care of.
Relationships, especially after infidelity, must be cherished.
Time you spend together is like vital food for healthy relationships.
Let your partner know how much you value his efforts.
Kind commentaries in those cases, when your beloved person does something to satisfy your needs, will show that you noticed his efforts and you like them.
Positive reaction will strengthen the desire to continue changes for the better.
The main important thing is to become a self-efficient personality.
It’s much easier to live, when you have plenty of things to do in your life, plenty of people and things, eventful days.
If the whole world is concentrated only on your relationships, some strokes of fate will be very difficult to bear.
It’s much more difficult to understand and accept than to break relationships without defining what has happened.
It hurts more to try and figure out the situation than to bury your head in the sand and wait till it passes on its own.
There are still some relationships worth forgiving and new life.
How to cope with jealousy in order to trust after infidelity?
If you are torn to pieces by jealousy, which does not fade even after your partner stopped the affair, you should learn few methods, which are offered by psychotherapists in order to fight this illness and start to trust him again.
Use them, because sooner or later your irrepressible, unjustified jealousy will cool his feelings towards you and undermine the basis of your relationships.
New infidelity may even seem justified to him, because he is likely to think he’ll be guilty anyway.
The first method is to get yourself “a jealous chair”.
Bring a special chair to your room, where you could come, lock the doors and stay alone.
When you are jealous, sit on that chair and stay there till your emotions subside.
The second method is attempting to use pretence.
Act indifferently, when you are seized by jealous, even if your feelings are far from calm.
You must not ask others where your second half was, accuse him of looking at other ladies and check him every time he leaves home.
The third method is to be unpredictable.
It is likely to help to get rid of repeating fits of jealousy and allow you leaving behind all alertness and suspicious, which became your chronic condition.
If you are accustomed to interrogating your partner regularly as soon as he comes home, stop doing it and get yourself busy with other things.
In case you call him four times a day in the definite hours, when he is at work, switch on to the unplanned calls.
Do not show indulgence towards your habit of constantly following his steps, as if you were a hound.
Start developing your own interests.
You’ll have to make yourself do it, even if you don’t want it.
Psychotherapists believe such method is sure to eliminate the obsessed and dependent behavior, which is peculiar to the old jealousy.
The last method may only be used when the partner’s affair is long ago in the past.
The last thing, we would like to say about how to trust after infidelity is that restoring marriage or relations is really hard and this work demands from both partners to review their behavior.
Eventually, in case of success it will lead them to the tighter bond.
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