How to Communicate With Your Spouse?
How to communicate with your beloved spouse to gain full understanding and be happy in a marriage? Follow our pieces of advice.
The inability to communicate is one of the most frequent complaints among the couples.
Both psychologists and family therapists face it. The results of a survey proved that most professional consultants of marriage problems have to deal with couples’ communication problems.
The research also showed that only those, who share their feelings with each other and are highly opened, can reach a viable and full-fledged marriage. Lack of communication often becomes the main reason of most divorces.
How to communicate and achieve mutual understanding with your spouse? What topics should you discuss? Let’s have a look at all these questions and help couples get in contact with each other. Let’s reduce this sad statistics of divorces.
Major mistakes in the communication between spouses
1. You are not clear about your thoughts.
While communicating spouses don’t usually mind that the same words may not necessarily bear the same meaning. It’s the reason why the information we transmit must be as clear and complete as possible. It mustn’t be ambiguous.
Sometimes spouses while communicating do not only transmit information to each other but try to imply something else.
There are cases when the husband uses a word implying one concept and his wife listens to him but understands completely different things.
This way words are filled with some other feelings, senses and content. It means that they have different or even the opposite meaning.
2. You are yelling at your spouse.
When you feel anger, you probably raise your voice.
Anger makes you feel tense.
As soon as people start to store the feeling of tense, they are in need to relieve or express it.
Raising your voice on your spouse is one of the easiest and quickest reactions, though this manner of stress relieving leads to more serious problems.
You may feel better and get rid of the tension by pouring it out on your spouse who has disappointed you. Though, this feeling won’t last long. Whatever you say then, you will only add fuel to the fire.
Regardless of the topic you are trying to discuss, the emotions will be on the first place. This will catch listener’s attention most of all.
The importance of the information you wanted to explain by shouting at your spouse is either diminished or misunderstood at all.
It happens because you create situation where a person needs to defend himself and get disappointed but not react and understand what’s going on.
When you learn how to keep your emotions in check, you will actually succeed in informing your partner with anything.
3. You constantly compete and argue.
Competition is all around us. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. Remember, your marriage is not the case you need to win.
If one spouse always wins, both of them actually lose.
In case you notice that you are glad to win the argument (moreover, if you win all of them), you must realize that you demoralize your spouse by it. With the lapse of time it will lead to the huge abyss between you.
4. You take your marriage as “me” but not “us”.
Nowadays, the individualism spirit and feeling of full autonomy and independence from the whole lot is pervasive.
A family, which is imbued with it, is full of alienation and lacks good and right communication.
One member of a family can have no idea what the others are doing or thinking.
Needless to say, they have no common interests and purposes, business or responsibility.
Such kind of living can be characterized by the word “hotel” and that is neither desired, nor acceptable.
Only families, where “me” means almost the same as “we”, can communicate and deal with different hardships.
Why should you build bridges to your spouse?
Communication makes a family stronger. Right communication must lead to a wife who is loved by her husband more, and a husband who is more respected by his wife.
Targets of communication in a marriage:
- be devoted to your spouse while communicating;
- realize your need to communicate and your spouse’s need;
- accept that in a marriage no one can satisfy this need more than your spouse.
Communication is a voluntary self-disclosure in front of each other in all sincerity and clear heart.
That’s why the only true reason to communicate is the desire to present the other one with the most precious you have.
How to communicate successfully with your spouse?
Be ready and get ready to communicate.
You shouldn’t start a conversation about personal things in public places or when you are tired and don’t have much time.
For such a conversation you need a warm and friendly atmosphere.
You must dispose your spouse to talk, so that you can tell him everything you want.
It’s extremely important to get him ready for the talk in order to achieve mutual understanding.
The ability to listen and value information.
When we are communicating, we should listen to what our partner has to say and value it.
While listening to your second half do not look away, talk on the phone, surf the Internet or watch TV. Matrimonial communication presupposes that you look each other in the eyes and never turn away, especially from a husband.
You must understand the main idea of what your partner wants to say, why he wants to say it and value what he says.
For every marriage it’s more important to ask questions than talk.
Never besiege a person with your own opinion and deductions.
Just let him express himself.
Be sincere and open while communicating.
When you are sincere, your partner finds it easy to understand you.
When partners share everything they become very close.
Day by day try to open to each other more and more.
You may also talk over which topics are banned for discussion.
Reasonably teach your spouse to communicate.
Everybody knows how to communicate but does it differently.
Women are usually more talkative.
She can help you only if you listen to her.
- Work on your drawbacks which harm good communication.
- Never interrupt your spouse.
- Never start a conversation if you feel tense or irritation. You’d better wait a bit and create a warm atmosphere.
Which topics to choose to communicate with your spouse?
You’d better talk to your spouse about mutually interesting and useful topics:
- Interests and hobbies.
- Dreams, wishes and plans.
- Discussing spouse’s problems and concerns.
- Topics that concern your family, children, relatives, home and common pastime.
- Discussing what you’ve seen and heard lately. For example, news about science, culture and art, politics and economy, sports, tourism, etc.
Now you know all topics and ways to communicate with your darling spouse. Pit them into life and be happy in your marriage!
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