A marriage, which ends in divorce, undoubtedly runs into plenty of conflicts.
Quarrels, insults and tears in such marriage are habitual events.
Though the separation is a way to end all these problems, it’ll cause additional load and your heart will hurt a lot.
Nevertheless, these problems can be minimized, when the divorce proceedings come more or less peacefully, when both partners admitted the necessity of divorce and meeting half-way to end a marriage peacefully.
Peaceful separation cannot erase the pain, but it’s able to minimize the stress.
Let’s try to figure out how to separate peacefully.
Avoid conflicts in order to end a marriage peacefully
You must agree that the divorce proceedings cause plenty of conflicts.
You want to be strong, but it makes you suffer a wide range of complicated emotions.
You should know it won’t last forever.
Admit that you and your spouse must both feel grief, which will probably include anger, regret, distrust, feeling of guilt and other emotions of ending a ma
Get ready to end your marriage and understand the divorce proceedings
Make a plan of how to act, how to settle a divorce agreement peacefully (at least as much as possible).
Give yourself enough time, if it is necessary.
Estimate your financial state and what can happen later, because you have children and other reasons for new arguments, which may appear as soon as you got divorced.
There is a simple piece of advice on how to think that ending marriage peacefully is a beneficial event for you: you just imagine that you are in a shop and pick the things you need – you do not go shopping yelling, pushing other customers and wresting their peas.
Consult a lawyer and find out what you are going to get after separation according to the law – it’ll eliminate the excess quarrels with the other party of divorce.
Get your children up to speed
Most adults are, undoubtedly, aware that when making the break the youngest members of the family will suffer the most.
No matter how difficult it is to end marriage, we are perfectly aware that those conflicts which might appear, if you save your marriage for the children’s’ sake, may be even bigger than the crisis they’ll have to go through when divorcing.
Kids, regardless of their age, feel the atmosphere which surrounds them.
Constant quarrels between mother and father affect adversely on their psychic.
That’s why, if your decision to end a marriage is final, you should tactfully tell your kids about it.
Mind that a kid must hear the same version from both parents.
You should not create an illusion of a happy family, because sooner or later your son or daughter will find out the real state of things.
It would be much better, if a child heard it from you, but not from other people, who may distort everything.
If you want to end your marriage peacefully, you should leave your ego behind the door
Avoid offending your spouse communicating with your offspring.
Do not try to turn your children in your spouse’s enemies, as it’ll only cause more problems.
Besides, you should mind how quickly children grow and in a few years, when they are full-ages, they’ll decide on their own whom they love more.
Actually, in most cases they love both parents equally.
Ending a marriage peacefully requires eliminating the past
You can accuse your partner in things he did wrong, but mind that the relationships are always built between two people.
So, instead of accusing your ex-husband in all sins, you should better look deep inside you and understand what you did to contribute to your breakup.
This knowledge is sure to help you understand why your marriage fell apart and how to build the future relations.
Do not make your spouse understand you
People like it, when others understand them.
However, if we talk about divorce, the concept of understanding is long forgotten.
Simply accept that soon your former partner will not understand you or accept your point of view.
Stop trying to make him do it
Regardless of how much you are angry at him, you cannot force him to understand you.
Accept it and find something else, where you could concentrate your energy.
Do not nitpick in order to end a marriage peacefully
It’s very easy to nitpick, when you do not like a person.
If you do not like somebody, you assess everything he does from the prism of discontent.
It only creates more anger, insults and negative feelings between you and your former spouse.
Eventually, the couples, which managed to end a marriage peacefully, realized that their cavils help no one to live peacefully and happily after divorce.
They learn how to forget all trifles.
Ending your marriage peacefully requires forgiveness
Remember the time when your husband put you to shame on the corporate party?
Or when he forgot about your anniversary?
Now, when you get divorced, there is no necessity to stick to those insults.
Find strength to forgive and you’ll be able to count on the bright future.
Forgiving your former partner is, perhaps, the most difficult part for the most people; because it often happens that your ex won’t apologize.
Nevertheless, even if he does not apologize to you, forgiveness is very useful for you.
It allows you feeling no more pain because of the things he did to you in the past and helps you to move on without scars, which influence the rest of your life.
- You cannot forbid your children see the second parent!
If your kids are still small, you cannot keep your separation a secret.
It’s important to tell them the truth concerning who their mother and father are, instead of pitching the idea of another “uncle” as a father or even making the child call him his father.
Kids must know they are not guilty of the divorce!
Their mother and father continue to love them as much as they used to, and maybe even more (after divorce some fathers start devoting even more time to their children than at times when they lived in the family), they’ll just do it separately and children will regularly visit one of them.
It’s totally forbidden to manipulate the partner using children as the tools
Unfortunately, the experience proves that kids often become hostages in the parents’ war.
Using them, parents try to solve their financial and housing problems, etc.
- A baby must always live with one of the parents and visit another one regularly.
During the meetings with the child it is forbidden to turn him against the other parent.
It’s important to say how good his mother or father is and they simply could not make it work.
Still, they both love him and will take good care of him.
It’s forbidden to compete on the financial level – who will buy the better gift, take more often to the cinema, will allow more and so on.
Love and upbringing do not consist in who will feed a kid with more ice cream or buy a more expensive toy.
A child will quickly feel it and start manipulating
- Do not be ashamed to turn to the children’s psychologists.
Divorce is a very difficult process.
Nevertheless, it’s important not to be obsessed with your own feelings and being selfish.
Everything may be solved if you find a proper and true approach.
Think of how close you used to be, how many things connected you and mind you still have a lot in common.
Do not burn down the bridges, as it will only harm you and your children.
Ending marriage peacefully is one of the ways to live without anger and hatred in your soul to the person for whom you had tender feelings.
Besides, it’s a nice way to set yourself free from the spiritual torments.