Why Do People Manipulate?

Manipulations are so casual nowadays; we even stop noticing them around.

Nevertheless, up-to-date manipulating people don’t stand in one place, they develop and perfect the “talent”, aim to understand the human nature, and they use all psychological achievements.

Why does one person manipulate another? What are their purposes and why do they behave in such a way? How to stay safe from the manipulator? This article is fully devoted to it.

How to single out a manipulator?

Main characteristics and qualities attached to a manipulator:

• he is lying, cynical and likes to control everything;
• he wants least of all that someone, even a very close person, learn about his true feelings;
• he is not satisfied by himself and the world around;
• he treats his work as boring obligations and wants to get rid of them as soon as possible;
• he can’t savor the moment and enjoy it or experience strong feelings;
• he explains his current misfortunes by his former experience and enjoys his own suffering;
• he feels misunderstood, unrecognized and underestimated.

A “non-manipulator” or using psychological term “an actualizer”:

• is honest (sincere), values freedom and trust;
• is able to express his feelings, whatever they are;
• sees and hears himself and others well;
• is receptive to art, music and the rest of life visualizations;
• is spontaneous;
• can easily express his potential possibilities;
• is a master or his life;
• has faith in himself and people;
• aims to be in a constant connection with life and to cope with difficulties here and now;
• realizes and understands the value of his uniqueness.

5 reasons why people manipulate others

1. The appearance of a manipulation consists in the eternal inside conflict of a person between his ambitions and desire for the independence and self-sufficiency on the one side, and the wish to find support among the surrounding people on the other.

   Distrusting yourself, and having no faith in the possibility to be self-dependent explain why he sees his rescue in the trust to other people.

   However, the reason why the situation gets worse – he cannot completely trust people either. That’s why he has nothing else but to manipulate these people for his own benefit in order to support himself at least somehow.

   Imagine somebody running after someone, having caught the half-belt of his coat, and trying to manipulate him; or a driver, who refused to drive a car and took the back seat, but still directing the person who is driving a car!

   These situations can be characterized by one and only word – “distrust”.

   How to become a better person?

2. Manipulating people aren’t able to take their drawbacks and weak points (which by the way have everybody) and don’t believe they can deserve to be loved.

   In despair a manipulating person chooses an alternative option: he tries to gain a full power over people, power which would make another person do things the manipulator likes, and think the way he wants, and feel what he wishes him to feel – to cut a long story short, to turn someone in a thing, his own thing.

3. Our existence is connected to a constant risk and plenty of accidental, unforeseen circumstances, which surround us.

   The world is unpredictable and a manipulator feels weakness, facing true order of things and situations, where he finds himself.

   That’s why he pleads for sympathy and is sure that it’s the only way to survive.

4. People manipulating others are afraid of close interpersonal relations.

   
   It’s the reason why they try not to have such relations with the surrounding people and avoid their appearance.In order to control the emotions and avoid this way intimacy, people play with each other in different games.

   One of the basic human fears is the fear of involvement. Judging by it, a manipulator is a person, who interacts with people performing some definite rituals to avoid intimacy and involvement.

5. In the process of maturation a person comes to the conclusions what life is and many of them are rather illogical.

   For example, one of the conclusions consists in the thought that life is based on a constant and acute want of a person to be approved by all people surrounding him.

   A manipulator’s life is based on this belief. Everyone, who refuses to be honest and open in the relationships with others, and who tries to please them, hoping they would like him, can be considered a manipulating person.

How to secure from the manipulating people?

1. Remember your inalienable rights.

   You have a right:

   • to be respected by others.
   • to express your feelings, opinions and wishes.
   • to have your own priorities.
   • to say “no” and feel no guilt about it.
   • to get what you’ve paid for.
   • to express your views that may differ from the views of other people.
   • to secure yourself from physical, moral and emotional threats.
   • to build your life according to your definition of happiness.

   These are the bounds of your private space.

   Surely, manipulators, who violate our border, do not respect and acknowledge these rights.

   Only we and nobody else can be responsible for our lives.

   How to Manipulate Someone?

2. Keep the distance.

   Communicating with people, a manipulating person is constantly changing his masks: with one person he is pointedly polite, with another – defiantly rude, in one situation he is absolutely helpless, in another – very aggressive.

   If you noticed someone who is characterized by these extremes, keep away from him on a safe distance and try not to contact him unless there is a necessity.

   More often than not the reasons why they behave in such way are complicated and are rooted deep in childhood experience.
   To fix, re-educate or save is not your business.

3. Don’t take his words personally.

   
   The manipulator’s task is to play with your weak points.

   It’s the reason why you feel inferiority near him or even blame yourself for not corresponding to his demands.

   Track these feelings and remember the problem is not in you.

   You are simply manipulated so that you feel not good enough and it means you’ll be ready to submit to his will and reject your rights.

4. Do not be in a hurry!

   One more manipulation technique is to demand an immediate respond or action. When you have lack of time, they find it easier to control you and reach their purposes.

   If you feel pressure, do not hurry to make a decision.

   Use the factor of time for your benefit and distance yourself from the attempts to put pressure on you. You’ll maintain control over the situation, if you say: “I’ll think about it”. These are really effective words!

   Take a break to estimate all pros and cons and decide whether you’d like to continue the discussion or it’s better to say “no”.

5. Learn to say “no”.

   The ability to say “no” is the most important part in the art of communication.

   Distinctly formulated refusal allows you to stand your ground and maintain normal relations.

   Remember, you have a right to set your own priorities and say “no” feeling no guilt, and a right to choose your own way to happiness.

6. Fight back an offender.

   Sometimes manipulating people go to the direct torturing, trying to scare the victim and to do harm.

   The most important here is to remember that these people catch on those, who they consider to be weak.

   While you are passive and compliant, you are a potential victim for them.

   Still, many of these offenders are actually cowardly.

   As soon as the pointed victim expresses firmness and defends his rights, the manipulating person usually steps back.

   It’s the rule, which works in any society: in school, in family, at work.

   Different surveys show many offenders to be the victims of violence.

   This circumstance is not an excuse for their behavior, but the reason why it must be noted and treated in cold blood.

Realizing the reasons, why people manipulate others and some safety rules to avoid their influence, you’ll be the real master of your life and submit to your views and beliefs.